Today is the 21st birthday of my guitar player's daughter. Beautiful and smart, in a relationship with a man who treats her well, adores her, and she feels the same for him. The combination of that along with the episodes of "Say Yes To The Dress" I've seen while watching with my mom and showing Zoe family photos yesterday sparked some thoughts of my own daughters.
For those of you who don't know, I have three. 12, 10, and 18 months. They're all beautiful and smart. Of course, I supposed to believe that. In this case it happens to be true. They each are individualists and carbon copies of Dawn and me. They are head strong, stubborn, obstinate, and have an incessant need to be right all the time. (shut up all of you) They are also funny, witty, entertaining little ladies who have hearts the size of mountains. Every day I'm proud to be their daddy. Every day they make me fall in love with them again.
It's a tough job being a dad to girls. For example, unlike with my two boys, I can't stick my foot up their asses when they do wrong. If I raise my voice too much it makes them cry, which to me is okay to certain levels, but it still just hurts my heart to see the tears well up. They're fragile. And, despite the fact that I know it, Dawn still reminds me.
Which brings me to my point. They are fragile....
And no stupid sumbitch man is going to hurt them....ever! sigh.
Being a controller type personality, this is my biggest struggle. The older two already are starting to see boys as the opposite sex and not just kids to play with. This is a terrible feeling for a father, but they're still young enough for me to not worry about....that dirty scumbag high school kid who will spout a cornucopia of bullshit with one objective in mind. That's the little bastard I fear. If teen boys understood that, they'd realize they have the upper hand in the dynamic. That's why as fathers we tend to do our absolute best to put the fear of death in their brains, both of them. What am I saying? I was there once and though I was respectful, I had no fear. So. For the future suitors of my daughters there will be no empty threats, no promises I know I can't keep, but there will be a trainload of insinuation. There will be the day spent out in the field showing the little seed spreader just how good I can shoot a rifle and from how far away my aim is still true....with a scope or open sights. They'll learn to fear what I can do, but never really know if I'll do it. That's humaity's biggest fear. The Unknown. That's my weapon and it is a damn good one. Don't get me wrong, I'll let the little bullshit artist attend family functions. I'll let him come to the house to hang out. I'll let him take my pure as the driven snow angels on dates. They won't be alone, but he won't know that. The girls' brothers take this shit seriously too. They are destined to be experts at infiltration and exfiltration bringing back all intel to me...the Director of the CIAOMH.
Now, don't get me wrong. I recognize that I need to be worried about my girls as well. That's why I've been planting seeds with them for years. They've heard me tell them of the lies they will be told. They're being taught to honor themselves. Their bodies are their own, belonging to themselves. No amount of pleading, rationalizing, or cajoling can change that. We're also working on the open communication between them and us. We want to know when he-who-thinks-with-his-pecker says stupid things like "If you really loved me you do it" or "I want to prove how much I love you." They won't do that if they're afraid of the reaction they'll get from me. Truthfully, that's the hardest part.
I've also instituted the "You will not date anyone who doesn't come and ask us first" policy. Pretty self-explanatory. I figure with the amount of respect the younger generation shows these days, that'll limit their social lives with those horny little shits. And, despite how smart my children are, they're not wiser than us. We've been there. We've done it. We have the children to prove it. Just kidding. Point is, "the wool" will not be pulled over our eyes. Technology is a wonderful thing. Using technology subversively is even more wonderful. I'm not doing my job as a dad if I don't check up on the things the kids say they're doing. Do I trust my kids? Yes. Do I trust them unconditionally? Hell. No. That's just stupid. They're kids. That's what kids do. Any person who says they never lied to their parents is either one in a million or completely full of shit. So my darling daughters, when you tell me that you're going to Becky's to spend the night expect me to make sure that's what you're doing. You can get pissed at me all you want, but it's my job. No apologies from this end.
If all else fails folks, I can always use my secret weapon. It's a destructive force of immeasurable strength. Her name is Dawn. She's their mother.
"Fathers be good to your daughters
daughters will love as you do
girls become lovers who turn into mothers
so mothers be good to your daughter too." - John Mayer
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